Win, Lose or Survive

I am a perfectionist.  Surprise, surprise. Yes, type A lawyer me wants to be perfect.

I admit it sometimes comes in handy as it requires me to strive towards doing my best, I know that while I cannot be perfect, I can put forth my best effort in order to be the best. Does it cause some undue stress at times, yes, but does it push me towards my goals, you bet.

But it has its downsides, i.e., stress. But it also makes the loss part worse. It brings on feelings of hopelessness and failure. I have often found myself wallowing in the downside of my perfectionist ways. I tend to dwell on it and let it get me so down that I cannot push forward. Its the one thing I know I need to work on as I enter motherhood,

And then there is survival mode. Yes, that is me lately. I have been forced to realize that perfection is unattainable and failure is inevitable at times. Yes, as I struggle to manage a 6 hour + job, a 2 hour commute daily, being a wife and preparing for baby, I am in survival mode.

This realization came late yesterday morning when I received an email that was less than complimentary of my work. I was upset at first because I had worked so hard in this project. I had asked for help, sought out advice and did what I thought was the best job I could do. So, seeing that it was indeed not the best hurt. But then I realized it wasn't the end of the world. I cannot be perfect, the best, on top all of the time. There will be times when I simply do not "get" something. If I truly did my best, then that is all I can do. I do not know everything, I cannot know everything. I am not perfect.

There, I said it. I have limitations to both my brain power and analytic thinking. Sometimes, just to survive you admit you did your best, it was not good enough and force yourself to survive. Survive by taking a deep breath and moving on. Accomplishing task and not letting the one black mark ruin your day.

Its about taking control of your life, your emotions and your outlook. Sometimes loss is good enough.