The Grinch

I have written in the past about my Grinchy Christmas ways. I have shared my rather obvious disdain for the holidays. But, I have tried to turn that corner. I vowed that with J I would be different. I would enjoy the family time, bake, decorate and embrace all that is Christmas (other than the obvious birth of our savior).  I was doing so well ya'll. House decorated, tree decorated, Santa visited, cards out, baking supplies ready... and then it hit. I came down with a case of the scrooges.

Little back story. This has been a whirlwind of a year for us.  We got married, had a baby, I changed jobs, we endured disaster with the rent house, we bought a house and currently have two houses sitting on the market, and the state of the aerospace job industry is well in the pits around here.

So, last night as my normally happy baby was fussing and whining for no reason, refusing to eat and throwing herself on the floor and I looked around at all the small projects that my husband said he was going to do this weekend (4 weekends ago) I lost it.  I threw present still in their shipping packages under the tree, I yelled at my poor baby girl, I sat on the floor and cried and declared that I hate Christmas. I whined about having to fly on Christmas day with a fussy infant who refuses to want to do anything these days and spend time away from my own bed.  I was frustrated at my husband for moping around for weeks. And to top it all off, I burned the crud out of my finger on the straightener this morning. I just want it to be January already.

So, as I drove E to school this morning, I felt the guilt. I feel guilty that I have not home with her all day. I feel awful that I only get an hour with her at night and that whole hour she is fussy and whiny. I am upset that J is so stressed and frustrated. I am bored at work... not much going on the week before Christmas. I want to get on place to a beach by myself for a week. I want Christmas to just be over with. Pity party, party of 1!

But, alas I do not have time to mope or have a party for one, why? Because I am the mama and I have to hold it altogether, right?

Happy Friday all. if you need me this weekend, I'll be trying to bake, wrap present and force myself into a holiday mood.