Somewhere between wife and mom I'm pretty sure I lost myself. It was a gradual thing.  It started out innocent enough with the I do.  You go from an individual to a couple.  A merging of lives that begins the change. For me, this phase didn't last long.  Partly because I had been married before and partly because in four more months I would go from wife to mother.

At first its all that sweet baby smell and the newness of the life.  Then it changes.  Motherhood drains you.  Gone are the days of sleeping in, pedicures, manicures and shopping sprees.  A trip to the  grocery store isn't a leisurely stroll, its a race to get out before a meltdown ensues.  Going to work is my only escape and it has its own stresses.  I can't even shower in peace.

I am no longer just me.  I am E's mom, J's wife, lawyer, daughter.... you get the point. All I want is an hour to myself where I can do whatever I want.  I want not a care in the world. I want my head to not pound, my throat to not hurt, my body to not ache, I want the world to stop spinning for one hour.

I want the feeling of having no place to turn to slip away. I no longer want to feel trapped.