Marriage in Motion: I’m Not Lucky I Have An Amazing Husband
I have heard time and time again how lucky I am to have married my husband.
Yup, he is pretty darn amazing, but I am not lucky. Sure, he sometimes forgets to do things I ask, and annoys me when he can’t read my mind, but he listens to me.
When I speak, he listens, like truly listens and I can see the wheels in his head going 90 to nothing. He is taking it all in and then I can see the fear in his eyes that he can’t possibly be all the things I need. But he listens anyway.
He does the laundry, goes grocery shopping and tends to be the one who makes sure the dishes are clean and put away. But, its not luck. He is there for me.
He lets me whine, cry, and scream bloody murder at him for things that he did not do nor that he can control. He says yes. He pledges his support for all the millions of things that I decide to do.
I want to join Junior League and will have a million meetings and volunteer every weekend. He said ok.
I want to teach twirling lessons. He happily said let’s make it happen. I decided I wanted to take a dance class every Tuesday night and he said ok, I’ll take E to swim lessons. But I’m not lucky.
He strives for perfection and often falls short only because he thinks I deserve perfection. He puts so much thought into every gift he gives, every meal he plans, and the sweet texts he sends. He dances in the bathroom because he knows it makes me smile (and he really hates dancing). This mean loves me with every fiber of his being. Everyone tells me I am lucky, but I’m not. I get it.
You think I am being selfish and are secretly screaming in the screen right now about how freaking lucky I am and I cannot even admit it. But I assure you that I am not. And here is why.
I too listen to my husband. Like, truly listen. I analyze every word and try to understand the how, when and why of it all. I am there for him whenever he needs me. I put him first.
He is the first thing I think of everything morning and the last person I think of every night. But I hope he knows he is not lucky. I spend hours thinking of the best gifts, search for the perfect cards and come home with his favorite IPA, just because. I endure craft beer bars just for him because it’s about the time spent with him and not about what we are doing.
Seeing my husband happy is enough for me. I hope you are still reading and don’t hate me.
Please don’t get me wrong either, I appreciate my husband and everything that he does for me, but I’m not lucky that he treats me right and he is not lucky that I do the same.
He’s lucky that he treats me right, because if he didn’t then he wouldn’t be my husband, nor I his wife.
The problem with saying I’m lucky is that is telling women that there is some kind of lucky involved in finding a man who will treat you right, the way you are deserved to be treated and vice versa. Its not luck.
Good men are out there and you just have to be patient and wait for one to come along. Believe me, it was not sheer luck that brought me my husband. No, I struck out the first time. And it’s not to say the failure of my first marriage was his entire fault, no, there is blame to lay on me as well.
But, the second time around, I waited for a man who treated me right. I refused to settle for someone who treated me like crap, I wouldn’t even settle for someone who treated me “okay.” I waited for someone who treated me the way I deserve to be treated.
I longed for and waited for someone who treats me the way that I treat him, and then I married him. I went about dating the second time around from a totally different perspective. Yes, I was older, wiser and more experienced, but I wasn’t looking for prince charming. I was looking for my equal.
So, for anyone looking for love, do not let people tell you that you are lucky because you are treated like you should be. You deserve to be treated right. You deserve to be loved, cherished and supported. And in turn you should do the same.
It’s a 50/50 thing. And if you settle for less or give less, if you settle for anything less, then you’re doing a disservice to yourself because the person you’re with simply doesn’t deserve you
So, do not tell me I am lucky because my husband puts me first and treats me like I deserve to be treated, and don’t tell him he’s lucky because I send him to World of Beer no questions asked. Nope.
Neither of us deserves such a compliment for doing what marriage requires.