What No One Tells You About Motherhood
Notice anything new around here? Oh, yeah we have done a little re-branding! Yup, welcome to Motherhood in Motion. Same ‘ole Lynn, same ‘ole content, just a name that describes my life—a constant flow from one day to the next!
But today, today I want to talk about the lies of motherhood. Yup, you know those things that you only discover after bringing that precious bundle home from the hospital. The things that we can go through, but seldom talk about. Yeah, those things. These are the things that no book prepares you for.
Babies are boring.
Why someone, anyone, didn’t warn me of this I’m still unsure. I mean I knew they were needy and all, but they are boring! Ya’ll, no offense, but I just did not get off on watching my newborn for hours on end. Once the newness and shear shock wears off and the lack of sleep sets in, you’ll realize that new babies don’t offer a lot in the way of interactions with you. They: Eat. Sleep. Cry. Poop.
By the time my husband got home in the evenings I was so bored I practically talked his ear off for hours because I was craving human interaction.
Recovering from birth sucks
No matter how you deliver your child—naturally/with medication/c-section/in a tub/or in a car…your recovery will be less than glamorous. I mean mesh panties, Tucks, giant pads and a squirt bottle are just some of the lovely parting gifts from that boring baby you are constantly watching. Oh, and the first time you need to well, go number 2— yeah, let’s just say take the stool softeners! Oh, and when that nice nurse offers you her homemade witch hazel frozen pad recipe—take it.
All of the “I will never” remarks will happen
All of those things you said you would never do, you now the “rule” you have set in your head about raising kids will go out the window sooner (than you think). Ya’ll, just go ahead and step down from the ivory tower now and admit defeat.
You will bribe your kid. You will let them watch anything if it means you get to pee by yourself; and princess dress to the store—just be happy she has clothes on.
Poop will become just part of your everyday vernacular. Do not, I repeat, do not underestimate the number of times you will be concerned about your child’s bowel movements. Whether they’ve had them, what they look like, the color, how many, etc… It’s disgusting, yet poop becomes a very prominent part of your life through the, well let’s just say, I have said poop at least 50 times today to my 4 year old.
Parenting experts are everywhere
When you have kids you suddenly open yourself up to unsolicited advice. Everyone become an expert and feels the need to weigh in on your parenting decisions. Friends, family—the checkout lady at Target.
I get it, they means well, but my best advice if the nod and smile.
Your brain will stop working
Those first few weeks, hell, your whole life is now made up of a million little decisions that will affect everything. And each one will feel like the most important thing in the world. It starts with the baby registry and goes down hill from there.
And you will just not know what to do. You will stand in the aisle of Target and have no clue why you even came in. You will be in the middle of a sentence and the words will stop coming out. Embrace it, but most of all remember—no child’s life changed drastically by choosing one type of bottle over another.
No one tells you how much your relationships change after becoming a mom. And I don’t just mean with your partner. It happens with your friends, your family, your co-workers, and lord knows with your mom (you hope it will change with your mother-in-law, but chances are that one won’t budge).
Having a child gives you something you’ve never had before: Perspective. Yup, you see life and choices and decisions and bedtime rituals in a whole other light. If relationships no longer serve you, take a not from Elsa and let it go!
No one knows what the f!&ck they are doing
All moms are just trying not to totally screw their kids up before they can send them out into the world on their own. Ya’ll, every child and every family is so darn different and no book, magazine, blog, or podcast has all the answers because there is no correct answer!
You will feel like you are failing. You will feel like you don’t have your all shit together (you don’t, its ok). And you will feel like other moms are doing it faster, quicker, more graceful and better than you. THEY AREN’T! We are all in this mess together! They have put their keys in the freezer, went to work with spit up on their blouse and leaked through a shirt in the middle of a presentation—oh, and they definitely dropped their kid on their head more than once.
So at the end of the day, remember—You are the best mom for your child. Your decisions are the right ones for you. And they love you no matter what—yes even when you smell like poop and haven’t washed your hair in 2 weeks. You’re amazing because you are a mom.
What would you add to this list?